Friday, February 02, 2007
Walsh vows to give up word
In a shocking disclosure earlier today, Fiona Walsh, presidential candidate and 'casual' drinker has disavowed her use of the word "awesome". "It's true. I realized recently that this word had wormed its wordy way into my vocabulary, making a mockery of my Irishness. I found myself declaring handbags to be 'awesome', a warm breeze on a cold day to be "awesome", even finding the last slice of pesto pizza in my canteen still available... awesome. It had become quite sickening. I know that America is a country of superlatives, hence the 'shock and awe' campaign in Iraq (which I vow to end if I become President, I'll just pull out of there like a jock from an underage schoolgirl). But when I feel the urge to describe a wonderous event with the 'a' word, I'll immediately force myself to do a switcheroo and substitute something else, like 'terrific' or 'wondrous' or 'brilliant' (an homage to my Irish roots) or even 'fecking great', although I feel I might not get away with that particular one in the redder states of my campaign trail." Plagued for comments on whether she was jumping on the new 'antiword' bandwagon a la Isaiah Washington and Michael Richards and Paris Hilton, Walsh would only say, 'Not at all. I still use the "f" bomb where appropriate and give my brothers props for continuing use of the "N" word.
In a shocking disclosure earlier today, Fiona Walsh, presidential candidate and 'casual' drinker has disavowed her use of the word "awesome". "It's true. I realized recently that this word had wormed its wordy way into my vocabulary, making a mockery of my Irishness. I found myself declaring handbags to be 'awesome', a warm breeze on a cold day to be "awesome", even finding the last slice of pesto pizza in my canteen still available... awesome. It had become quite sickening. I know that America is a country of superlatives, hence the 'shock and awe' campaign in Iraq (which I vow to end if I become President, I'll just pull out of there like a jock from an underage schoolgirl). But when I feel the urge to describe a wonderous event with the 'a' word, I'll immediately force myself to do a switcheroo and substitute something else, like 'terrific' or 'wondrous' or 'brilliant' (an homage to my Irish roots) or even 'fecking great', although I feel I might not get away with that particular one in the redder states of my campaign trail." Plagued for comments on whether she was jumping on the new 'antiword' bandwagon a la Isaiah Washington and Michael Richards and Paris Hilton, Walsh would only say, 'Not at all. I still use the "f" bomb where appropriate and give my brothers props for continuing use of the "N" word.
