Friday, June 17, 2005

Kat-olic Katie kicks the Kross!
So says Fr. Michael Sheehane (pronounced Sheehaaaaan) priest and close personal confidante and confessor of Fiona Walsh, ex-gubernatorial candidate and dodgy desk jockey. He was referring to the announced engagement of Katie Holmes to Tom Cruise. "Tis a shame, I hate to lose a good altar girl. Katie used to be an altar girl and she was mighty at it. Now she's sold her soul to Scientology, that ould makey-up religion. But mark my words, she'll be back". Sheehane who has a small parish and church (The Little Church of the Lost Apostle) outside Holmes' home town went on to say "Oh, even the most lapsed catholics can't help saying a decade of the rosary now and then. What's Tom going to make of that? And when Christmas rolls around. Katie will no doubt want to put up a Christmas tree and a crib but L. Ron Hubbard - he celebrates nothing - except money in the bank. "He's dead Father" piped up Walsh who up until now had been thumbing through a copy of "National Enquirer". "Right, but his followers are still taking in the dough am I right there?". "Oh defo" replied Walsh.
Fr. Michael intends to hold a candlelight vigil at his church next week to pray for Katie's return to the flock. "We'd have her back and no bother but she just has to realize that Scientology is a load of shite!" "Father Michael!" exclaimed Walsh. "Oh sorry about that!" he replied. "Is it time for confession yet Father?" said Walsh. "Yes, lave down that copy of the Enquirer and tell me what's really on yer mind". The Pope nor Katie Holmes could be reached for comment.

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