Thursday, October 23, 2003

"Liza hit me too!"
So claimed potential presidential candidate, Fiona Walsh. Following lurid allegations by David Gest of being pussy-whipped by his ex-spouse Liza Minelli, Walsh is also claiming to have been "roughed up" by Liza. "She took a swing at me a couple of weeks ago outside a bar on 10th Avenue after I asked her what brand of M.A.C lipstick she was wearing. I was totally not prepared for the vicious assault that followed. She tore me ear lobe". Walsh went onto state the assault will have no bearing on her love of popular music and in particular Liza. "I think she's still a star. So what if she has a booze problem and gets punchy after a few white wine spritzers? Which one of us hasn't? I'll always look up to her. I even christened my canary Liza". Neither Gest or Minelli could be reached for comment.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

"Strangely silent"
After weeks of speculation as to whether gubernatorial campaigner, Fiona Walsh would continue in the race, any race, she has bounced back. Fans will be happy to know that Walsh is currently considering remaining in the electioneering business but switching campaigns. "I might throw me hat in the ring for president" clanged Walsh. "It seems a logical next step but I have many things to consider and it would involve giving up my love of the word 'gubernatorial' which I am sorely reluctant to do". Walsh who has come out brazenly as a supporter of her new "fulltime" status at a prominent childrens programming company, is said to be recuperating after her gubernatorial defeat. "I was worried about myself for a while there" said the sobbing Walsh, who broke down after watching David Blaine break down following his Perspex box incident. Walsh is currently being fed beer and peanuts intravenously and is expected to make a full recovery.

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