Thursday, March 04, 2004

No cookies for Condoms here!
So says presidential candidate Fiona Walsh. Ms. Walsh was referring to the Girls Scouts of Crawford Texas, who are upset that the girl scouts organization is canoodling with Planned Parenthood. "It's outrageous" said the flinty Walsh. "Imagine sending little girls out with boxes of cookies to sell and finding that they contained condoms all along? Sure that would traumatize any girl scout". We tried to explain to Ms. Walsh that she was misinformed about the nature of the news report but she would have none of it. "If I had a child, I'd be very upset to reach into my box of Sososamosas (y'know the ones with the coconut on them .. yum!) and pull out a Rough Rider instead" she tiraded. "I'd make sure she handed it to me but still it could be completely damaging for my little girl - especially if was used". Completely at a loss, we left Walsh mumbling to herself and dunking Oreos in her tea.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Walsh 'fesses up to Fashion Police!
Presidential hopeful and kiddies tv employee has owned up... to the fashion faux pas at the Oscars. She claims it was her urged Uma Thurman to wear the scary Christian Lacroix dress. "It's true, I can't deny it. I was out with Uma shopping one Saturday before the Oscars and I saw in the window. We'd had a couple of glasses of wine so me sight wasn't the best nor me judgement. I told her it would be lovely on her - it looked lovely on the mannequin and next thing I knew she was signing her Amex. After the wine buzz wore off, I realized she'd made a dreadful mistake but it was too late and now she's scarred for life" sobbed the wimpy Walsh. Thurman flacks would neither confirm nor deny reports.

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