Thursday, February 05, 2004

Walsh declares herself "Atkins-friendly"
In a bid to win more votes from the meat-eating midwest, Presidential candidate and erstwhile children's tv worker, Fiona Walsh, said she is an "Atkins-friendly" candidate. "It's true, Atkins Diet currently rules the world. Every restaurant, coffee shop and bodega is catering for the Atkins diet. Low carbs are everywhere - I even had an Atkins-friendly lollipop the other day. It's truly amazing. So I decided to make myself Atkins-friendly". We pressed Ms. Walsh on what exactly that meant. "Well, in terms of my diet, I won't be changing anything, because I'm a committed vegetarian. However, if I get interviewed on the telly, I won't disparage Dr. Atkins, by saying he was fat and I didn't believe he died from a slip and fall accident. Oh no! That won't be me. And that's what I mean by Atkins-friendly. I'll be friendly with the Atkinsesesses", she muttered.

Monday, February 02, 2004

Jackson & Walsh in cahoots!
Busty warbler Janet Jackson and presidential candidate and office aide Fiona Walsh say they were in cahoots over the nipple exposure at the Superbowl half time show. "I knew about it ahead of time", so claims Walsh. "Janet and I were IM'ing during the week and she was telling me about her routine with Justin. I said to her, "here's a perfect opportunity to get your career back on track and for a little more "exposure" as it were". I told her to wear her dominatrix get up and have Justin rip off the whole front of the outfit to reveal a fig leaf and two sunbursts on each nipple. But there was a wardrobe malfunction as you can see from last night and only one tit got exposed. Pity." Walsh claims she and Jackson go back - as far back as Michael's post arraignment party. "Yeah, we met over the salsa and chips. We were both dipping into the same bowl. It was hilarious. I admired her breasts and it was the start of a great friendship". When pressed for comment, Jacksons camp claimed she dislikes Mexican food.

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