Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Walsh Too Ill to Debate
Reps for Fiona Walsh, indie prez candi. and obvious office worker, have said she's too ill to debate tonight. "I'm not feeling up to it" - she claimed. "I've been under the weather for the last few days and now I feel a tickle in my throat and sort of queasiness in my stomach - probably stress due to the impending election so I've decided to let Kerry and Bush whack it out themselves". She added however that she would be watching from the comfort of her armchair - "with a hot toddy and jar of honey by my side - it's the only way I can stomach watching Bush anyhow".

Monday, October 04, 2004

Walsh Distraught at Nudie Picks!
Ever hopeful presidential candidate and educational TV specialist is said to be "completely distraught" at the thought of nudie picks being found in her garbage. Ms. Walsh is said to be very anxious at the mere idea that nude photos of her or anyone else might be discovered in her trash. "I'm very careful when I throw out stuff. I shred every piece of rubbish I own. I even chew up glass jars in case my fingerprints might be found on them. I mangle "Victoria Secret" catalogues; anything that could possibly provide a hint of me or my nude self or anything private about my life like maybe the brand of condoms that me and my partner use or discarded feathers or handcuffs or anything like that. I get rid of it all. The thought that something might be found in my wastepaper bin is so distressing -sometimes I can't sleep at night." It has been reported that Walsh is in a secret bid to buy her own garbage disposal heap in Fish Kills, Staten Island where no-one, except the serious sleuth could ever have access to her private detritus. "I feel so bad for poor Jamie Foxx but seriously, what was he thinking? He needs to mascerate that stuff, swallow it and then shit it out in a big pooh and flush it down the toilet. No need to be leaving it for the tabloids to discover. I've learnt the hard way". Walsh then alluded to some secret snaps of her whooping it up in O'Flaherty's on the birthday. "It was when I had my braces and I'd rather not be reminded of that time". We asked for more details but Walsh would only say "Tis in the vault! - as Elaine would say" and promptly did the locking the key sign on her mouth and tucking the imaginary key in her pocket.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?