Friday, October 03, 2003
Shocking Sex Tape Reveals Romp
A shocking tape recently uncovered under someones sofa shows graphic scenes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Fiona Walsh in various saucy situations. Schwarzenegger and Walsh released a joint statement earlier today. "We are shocked and horrified that this embarrassing tape has come to light. We did our best to secrete it away where no one would ever find it. That way we could both carry on our gubernatorial campaigns and no one would be any the wiser. But the wily public - you guys! - sniffed it out and lo and behold, we could do nothing except 'fess up. Yes that is us. Although we are in compromising positions, at no time were we together in compromising positions. Arnie got it on with a busty beauty named Helga while Fiona rode the long black limousine belonging to Slick. They were good times but they are over now. We have states to run and elections to recall".
Responding to queries that this would affect her gubernatorial status, Walsh claimed "Not at all. Sure it's only a bit of slap and tickle. No harm done to anyone. If Arnie can tweak nipples and get away with it, I can certainly have my way with a dusky darling".
A shocking tape recently uncovered under someones sofa shows graphic scenes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Fiona Walsh in various saucy situations. Schwarzenegger and Walsh released a joint statement earlier today. "We are shocked and horrified that this embarrassing tape has come to light. We did our best to secrete it away where no one would ever find it. That way we could both carry on our gubernatorial campaigns and no one would be any the wiser. But the wily public - you guys! - sniffed it out and lo and behold, we could do nothing except 'fess up. Yes that is us. Although we are in compromising positions, at no time were we together in compromising positions. Arnie got it on with a busty beauty named Helga while Fiona rode the long black limousine belonging to Slick. They were good times but they are over now. We have states to run and elections to recall".
Responding to queries that this would affect her gubernatorial status, Walsh claimed "Not at all. Sure it's only a bit of slap and tickle. No harm done to anyone. If Arnie can tweak nipples and get away with it, I can certainly have my way with a dusky darling".
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Huffington cries on Walsh's shoulder
With the announcement that Arianna Huffington is stepping down from the gubernatorial race, Governor wannabe Walsh says she's stepping up to the plate. "As one of the few remaining female candidates left in the race, it'll be up to me to carry the banner for womanhood." Huffington was recently seen crying on the shoulder of Walsh at a midtown watering hole. "What can I tell ya? She was upset, poor woman. She thought she had a chance. We're good buddies, I had to be there for her even if I don't always understand her accent". "There's only me now and Mary Carey. By the way, is she a relative of Mariah Carey? - they look quite similar, both busty girls with bad dress sense. It seems quite likely." added Walsh.
With the announcement that Arianna Huffington is stepping down from the gubernatorial race, Governor wannabe Walsh says she's stepping up to the plate. "As one of the few remaining female candidates left in the race, it'll be up to me to carry the banner for womanhood." Huffington was recently seen crying on the shoulder of Walsh at a midtown watering hole. "What can I tell ya? She was upset, poor woman. She thought she had a chance. We're good buddies, I had to be there for her even if I don't always understand her accent". "There's only me now and Mary Carey. By the way, is she a relative of Mariah Carey? - they look quite similar, both busty girls with bad dress sense. It seems quite likely." added Walsh.
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Walsh Sold out to "THE MAN"!
This just in! Months of speculation and wonderment have come to and end for the temp/guber candidate, Fiona Walsh. Walsh declared in a candid announcement to a few specially chosen onlookers near Central Park that she's "gone perm". Apparently the lurid world of childrens TV proved irresistible for the soon-to-be-employed Walsh. "Listen, you don't know my circumstances. I'm only doing this for as long as I need the cash to finance my gubernatorial aspirations. Then I'm outta here!" Seen crying outside an ATM on 8th Avenue, Walsh would only admit to being "moderately" upset at this recent move. "I'm just so surprised" she gushed, "after all, I thought I was going to be let go and in a way was looking forward to the cut & thrust of a new temp environment. But it just goes to prove you have to be ready for anything in this fast-paced television-driven world." Later, Schwarzenegger was over heard to say "That'll put a halt to her gallop".
This just in! Months of speculation and wonderment have come to and end for the temp/guber candidate, Fiona Walsh. Walsh declared in a candid announcement to a few specially chosen onlookers near Central Park that she's "gone perm". Apparently the lurid world of childrens TV proved irresistible for the soon-to-be-employed Walsh. "Listen, you don't know my circumstances. I'm only doing this for as long as I need the cash to finance my gubernatorial aspirations. Then I'm outta here!" Seen crying outside an ATM on 8th Avenue, Walsh would only admit to being "moderately" upset at this recent move. "I'm just so surprised" she gushed, "after all, I thought I was going to be let go and in a way was looking forward to the cut & thrust of a new temp environment. But it just goes to prove you have to be ready for anything in this fast-paced television-driven world." Later, Schwarzenegger was over heard to say "That'll put a halt to her gallop".
Monday, September 29, 2003
I'll win Willis's Award Money!
So claims gubernatorial candidate and "employee'' at a well-known TV company, Fiona Walsh. In a recent statement, Walsh claimed she could see herself winning the money Bruce Willis recently offered for the capture of Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. "It'll be an easy cool million for me", claims the spunky Irish woman. "I have a smattering of Arabic so I'll be able to infiltrate the country easy enough - covering myself with a large headscarf. I plan to lure Saddam sexually and perhaps make him some of his his favorite foods, that way I'll get into his inner hareem. In no time flat, he'll be dead and Bruce will have to pay up". Shoved around for more details of her elaborate plan, Walsh would only comment that she couldn't divulge too much more. "Look at the recent leaks in the White House and that poor CIA operative now with a price on her head. No way am I going to tell you that I'll be flying into Basra at 4pm on Wednesday October 15th and travelling incognito in an army tank on Route 197 South. No way." When contacted for his thoughts, Willis said "Yippee kiyo kiyah - I wish her well".
So claims gubernatorial candidate and "employee'' at a well-known TV company, Fiona Walsh. In a recent statement, Walsh claimed she could see herself winning the money Bruce Willis recently offered for the capture of Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. "It'll be an easy cool million for me", claims the spunky Irish woman. "I have a smattering of Arabic so I'll be able to infiltrate the country easy enough - covering myself with a large headscarf. I plan to lure Saddam sexually and perhaps make him some of his his favorite foods, that way I'll get into his inner hareem. In no time flat, he'll be dead and Bruce will have to pay up". Shoved around for more details of her elaborate plan, Walsh would only comment that she couldn't divulge too much more. "Look at the recent leaks in the White House and that poor CIA operative now with a price on her head. No way am I going to tell you that I'll be flying into Basra at 4pm on Wednesday October 15th and travelling incognito in an army tank on Route 197 South. No way." When contacted for his thoughts, Willis said "Yippee kiyo kiyah - I wish her well".
