Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Madonna Needs Mass!
This according to presidential wannabe, Fiona Walsh. Reports just in that Madonna is putting the Emerald Isle in uproar by her thoughtless decision to play Slane on a Sunday. "She's not in America now. Mass on Sunday is very important to at least 30% of Irish people (followed by a roast meat dish and a bit of Gaelic football on the telly). If she plays Slane, it's going to be an awful rush to get the spuds boiled after mass, eat and get up to Slane in time for the concert. Myself, I'm at least 3 hours by Kavanaghs "Stagecoach" from Slane. It puts the kibosh on the whole days outing". Walsh suggested that Madonna should forego her Jewish leanings for the one day. "I mean it wouldn't kill her to go to Mass this one time, would it? She was born Catholic, it'll all come back to her; the Creed, the kneeling, the incense, she'll just fit right back into the flow of things". Madonna was knitting Kabbalah rings and could not be reached for comment.

Walsh Elated!
So says presidential candidate, Fiona Walsh. Buoyed up by Bush's smarmy presidential news conference last night, Walsh is said to be "elated". "I now feel I have a real shot at the Presidency. Bush 'hilarious' news conference has restored my faith in the American public. After last nights' jocular comments, I need no more proof that I indeed will be elected". When pressed for proof of these outlandish electorial aspirations, Walsh would only say, "If American needs more proof that big buffoon is running this country, then they can kiss my arse! It was all there in black and white (and color if you have a color TV) last night. The man's a smiley clown!". President Bush could not be reached for comment.

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