Friday, November 11, 2005

Get Rich Quick "Star" raps with Walsh
Fifty Cent or "Fiddy" as he's known to his pals is delighted with the acting coaching he got from Irish woman, Fiona Walsh. So says Walsh, erstwhile presidential candidate and part-time performer. "Well it had to be all very much on the DL (or down low) as they say in African-American circles. I would run up to his trailer before a big scene and we'd run lines together. I got him to say cool phrases in an Irish accent to impress Jim Sheridan, the director. Fiddy would come out with things like "How's the craic or the form or how's it hanging?" and Jim would be doubled over! Of course Fiddy never let on where he'd heard it but it was all from me! I'd rehearse for minutes before he went on set, getting him to close his eyes and look away when he was saying the lines, like all the best actors and then I even got him to cry once by reminding him of a touching pit bull story from his youth. It was very touching". Walsh is said to have been 'engaged' by another rap actor who's name rhymes with kiddie for more acting lessons. "Sure rap is like pure poetry to Irish people - we all speak the same language, you dig? It's no wonder the lads are after me for me coaching and Irish phraseology". Fiddy nor the man who rhymes with kiddie nor Jim Sheridan could be reached for comment.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Walsh & Beatty - together at last!
Ex-guber and potential presidential candidate Fiona Walsh and longtime Democrat and hot-bod Warren Beatty are said to be 'together at last'. So says Walsh who has been flagrantly obvious in her worship of the Hollywood hottie. "See, it was all a mistake - I was meant to grow up and marry Warren. We would've hit the political campaign trail together, founded our own Bolshevik party and had high times hanging out with the Hollywood literati - if such a thing exists. But our marriage was not to be. While I was away, growing up it seems, Warren found and married Annette Bening - herself a worthy adversary for me and we were separated by time and space and the Atlantic Ocean. However I'm glad to say we are united again; at least in our stalworth opposition to Schwarzy! I tried to oust Schwarzenegger a few years back in his gubernatorial run but was unsuccessful. Now I feel extremely close to Warren knowing that he feels similarly about the marble-mouthed one. I'd gladly lend my weight to Warren should he decide to run for California governor". Walsh who used to carry a baggie of Warren pictures around with her as a young girl, said she's yet to meet her beloved hero. "I'd love to sit down with him with a nice Merlot or Chianti or whatever he drinks, and have a good ould catch up! Fill him in on my years of personal torment knowing that he was completely unreachable, even as I fondled his pictures warmly under the covers back home in Ireland. I'd like him to know that even though the vast majority of my friends in Tipperary had no clue who he was, I was carrying the biggest torch for him of all time. And then we'd have right old craic bashing Arnie!"
Neither Mr. Beatty nor Ms. Bening could be reached for comment but their publicists said they'd be sending an autographed photo to Ms. Walsh any day now.

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