Thursday, July 06, 2006

I know where Suri is!
So says presidential candidate and time waster, Fiona Walsh. "Well I have a fair idea. I think Xenu, prince of the Scientologists has summoned her. It's the only think that fits. Considering its 77 days and not a one has seen sight nor sound of her, I believe she is with the intergalactic ruler. He's probably schooling her in the etiquette of Scientology and how to write best selling sci-fi books. In due course, when her head is full of nonsense, she will be returned to the world of humans, filled with renewed zeal for her adopted religion and delighted to have Tom and Katie as parents. However, she will only have minor "clearings" and will need further "auditing" to get her to fully functioning human level. It's going to be fun to watch. Here is a picture for your amusement."
*Warning. This picture of a photoshopped baby bears no resemblance to Suri Cruise or any child for that matter and is on this blog for comedic purposes only so no one go suing me, do you hear, its only for a laugh, okay?

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Kate Bosworth delivers vicious jab to Walsh.
In a startling revelation today, candidate for anything Fiona Walsh(and tofu lover) has revealed she was dealt a vicious blow by "Superman Returns" beauty Kate Bosworth. "It's true. I was coming out of a toilet at a downtown eatery" says Walsh, "when I accidentally bumped up against who I thought was Nicole Kidman. It turned out it was Kate Bosworth. But she's so thin that as we angled passed each other in the rush to get to the dessert trolley (well I was rushing), her edgy elbow needled me in the arm as I inched by delivering a crushing blow to the fatty part of my upper arm. I was subsequently left with a large bruise and a stunned look!". Bony Bosworth was said to "unaware" of any such accident but Walsh claims it's a fake out. "She knows full well what she did. Her and that Brit boy lover Bloom are just a right pair, both angular and awkward. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if Orlando had hurt someone else in a similar way with his masculine jawline. Not one bit".

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