Friday, January 30, 2004

Green beans are tasteless!
So says presidential hopeful, Fiona Walsh. "After many years, I've come to the conclusion that green beans are tasteless. If it was possible to quantify what nothing tastes like, it would taste like green beans", quipped the fresh-faced TV worked. "They are considered a delicacy but I find nothing in them to recommend to anyone. Save the fact that they are zero points on WeightWatchers. But by the time I was done eating them the other night, I'd chalked up 40 points with all the extra butter and salt and sauce I'd added to make them resemble something good to eat". The Green Bean Society of the U.S (www.beansaregood.com) said they would be making strenous efforts in the next few years to change Ms. Walsh's mind. "They can do what they want" retorted the jocular desk jockey, "But they won't sway me - I've had enough. From now on in - no green beans for me!". With a audible fart she was on her way.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Walsh Nauseous!
In the light of recent moves to allow medical marijuana to be grown in Ventura County, presidential hopeful Fiona Walsh, claims she is a bit nauseous. "I am! I just feel queasy in the stomach - just recently, I feel it coming on around 6 or 7 in the evening. I'm wondering how to counteract that - I've tried Pepto, it doesn't work". We broached the news that new laws were allowing medical marijuana to be grown in CA, a state in which Walsh had previously run for Governor. She appeared shocked. "I'm shocked" said the washed- out worker. "I had no idea that was allowed. Someone mentioned to me once alright that a little pot could help someone with say, a sick stomach or lack of appetite. That's interesting!" Queried as to whether Walsh would be making any West coast trips in the near future, she retorted "I might now. I have a friend who moved to L.A recently and I've been meaning to visit. If I could cure my nausea at the same time, wouldn't that be killing two birds with the one toke, so to speak!". Walsh appeared gleeful as she hurriedly went online to book her flight to CA.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Walsh to stay away from Jackson
With R.Kelly being forced to stay away from Michael Jackson, Walsh, presidential candidate and MJ fan is also being forced to keep away from the dancing delight. "I've been told to keep away, not so much for his safety but for mine. I'm scared of him. He's looking more and more like that character from the movie "Powder". He's becoming white and transparent. I just keep expecting him to take off running into the clouds and disappear into the ether with a bolt of lightning. It's really the lightning I'm afraid of. Have been since I was a little girl". Jackson's camp claimed to have never heard of Walsh or the movie "Powder".

Monday, January 26, 2004

Walsh to be "remodelled".
This just in! In a bid to win a top movie role, Fiona Walsh, ex-child star, current TV worker and hopeful Prez candidate, is having herself remodelled - to look like a model. "It seems the way to win the best roles in Hollywood is to be beautiful and then play an ugly person. Well I'm not ugly but I'm no prize either - especially first thing in the morning - one word, rough! Even if I say so myself!" she chortled. "However", she continued, "I'm getting a complete makeover and remodel to make myself look beautiful and then once done I intend to apply a prosthetic nose or shave my eyebrows to show how ugly I can make myself and hopefully the Oscars and Globes will start rolling in". "It would help", she went on "if I can play a prostitute or serial killer or perhaps a battered wife or a depressive writer or a harrowing class of a fool". Walsh has warned her agent to be on the lookout for a "killer" role. "I can't wait" said the jowly jokster.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?