Thursday, June 15, 2006

Walsh casts her net far from the boat!
Fiona Walsh, gubernatorial and presidential candidate and kitty-stroker has said that in the event of her marriage dissolving she will not be dating any of her husbands' close friends. "I'll be casting my net far from the shores of home. Unlike Denise Richards and Richie Sambora, I won't humilate my partner by dating any of his buddies or my next door neighbor. So Ashraf and Mohamed are safe, ha ha! Also he can rest assured that I won't be dating my own friends either or anyone we've hung out with in the past. If I'm ever cut free from the ties that bind, I'll travel to a foreign country in search of a young, virile man to service my romantic needs." We held down and beat up Walsh for elaboration on her "romantic needs" but she was lost in a reverie and could not be woken.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Walsh may enter the gubernatorial frey!
Fiona Walsh, presidential candidate and jaunty cap wearer is itching to enter the gubernatorial race for New York. "I'm chomping at the bit, rearing to go, dying for a pee to get to use the word "gubernatorial" again. It's been so long since I've been able to use the word that as soon as Irish actor Malachy McCourt was running, I decided I might throw my hat in the ring as well". Bullied into divulging information on her main running points, Walsh would only declare, "I intend to take a strong stance against styrofoam cups. I would like to make it mandatory for every worker to bring a cup and cutlery into work that they would be forced to use over and over again. I hate the waste of plastic and cardboard and the half life that a plastic bag has..sure those feckers will be around after the next Big Bang. That's my main issue. Others will include shorter work week, shorter working days, shorter work attire... all the key stuff. It only makes sense!"
Governor Pataki is said to be relaxing at his gubernatorial estate and not at all bothered by Walsh's threat of running.

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