Saturday, August 16, 2003

I wasn't even near a light switch!
Following the recent black out along the entire Eastern seaboard of North America, gubernatorial candidate and sometime 'TV" temp, Fiona Walsh claimed she had nothing to do with it. "I was out of the country when it happened" decried Walsh. "I wasn't even on solid ground -I think I was in a plane or a car - or some class of vehicular transport when the lights went out". Poked further for her thoughts on what caused the electrical mishap, Walsh proffered "Ah sure maybe an' ould fuse blew, that often happens when appliances get overloaded. Once when I was living in a studio apartment in Dublin I remember I put on my electric kettle, a toaster oven, waffle iron, my hair dryer, electric egg boiler, teasmade,...." We were so overwhelmingly bored by the details to follow that we elected to leave them out of this blog.

Friday, August 15, 2003

Walsh in dance with death!
Partially dissatisfied with her deliciously exciting job in young peoples "entertainment", Fiona Walsh has decided to try the tempting but deadly puffer fish known in Japan as FUGU (sp). "I've lived a slow and deliberate life - it's been good. But I was watching a National Geographic special about this poisonous fish called puffer and said to myself - Begod, I'm not livin' at all - I'll have to try some of that". Cut up and sliced only by licensed chefs who must learn to trim away all the deadly bits of the fish, fugu is quite delicious raw as sashimi or fried. However, if not prepared in the correct fashion, puffer fish poison is more dangerous than cyanide - about 1000 times more dangerous. "People can die within 4-6 hours of ingestion - now that's living on the edge" said Walsh. Probed on where she would find the puffer fish in New York city, Walsh declared "None of your beeswax - but probably on the internet - I'm going to do a search right now". We asked if we might accompany her on the perilous pursuit but she declined. "I'd rather go it alone - it will add to the sense of adventure but I'll let you know how it goes though" she added jauntily.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

"I'm Tired!" declares Walsh
Gubernatorial candidate and temp at a "prestigious" childrens television company, Fiona Walsh announced today that she was "really tired". "I'm really tired today - I don't know - I stayed up watching that Denis Leary roast on Comedy Central and now I'm just bushed". The statement came shortly after her arrival at her temp job where she quickly proceeded to nod off. Questioned as to what she thought of the roast in general she added "Arah! it wasn't much fun - they made a lot of jokes about the size of Leary's appendage", alluding to the notion that Irish men have small genitalia. "It's true of course but still quite painful to be reminded of the fact for over one and half hours. Thankfully I'm no longer involved "that way" with Irish men". She is expected to make a full recovery from her bout of sleepiness by 5.30pm this afternoon.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Walsh to hunt the "Abominable"!
Not content with her extremely exhilarating life as a temp at a "well known" childrens tv company and coming on the heels of her announced candidacy as governor, Fiona Walsh has now joined the search for the Abominable Snowman. "I'll hunt the bugger down" she said after a brief but trying workout on the climbing wall at her local gym. The Abominable Snowman or Yeti has long been a legend of the Sherpa people in the Nepal mountain range. Large footprints have been spotted over many years on various climbing expeditions. "If he's alive, I'll nab the whoor" said Walsh. "I'm also curious as to how he can stay warm in the cold weather. Even in the depths of summer I'm always feeling a chill nip- I'd love to know his secrets!". Questioned as to whether she was up to the exhausting climb in the arduous terrain, Walsh quipped
"Sure I'm as fit as a fiddle. What with working out for the governor spot - just feel that tricep - and now adding climbing to my schedule - I'll soon have an arse like a back board". If the hairy apelike man does indeed live in the mountainsides of Nepal, Walsh said she'll have no trouble identifying him right away. "Many men are hairy but white hair is indeed a little rarer - although I have seen it on ould fellas in the carribean". Pressed on the question of the whereabouts of the hair, she would only allude to a "private" beach on St. Martin.
Watch this space for more info.

Freshly scraped off the pavement!
Fiona Walsh, highly uncomfortable temp in the "world" of childrens television and gubernatorial candidate has stated that she won't let "Shark Week" interfere with her rigorous campaign schedule. "I normally don't stir from the house for the whole of "Shark Week". I find the gorey pictures and live action footage of people with shredded limbs and close ups of large gaping mouths fascinating. But this week I just couldn't commit to watching as much as I'd like 'cos I'm so busy campaigning". Walsh wishes she had TiVO so she could tape it and watch it later. "That would be superb!" she chortled. "But I'm sure they'll rerun it later in the year". There is a one in 85 million chance of being bitten by a shark according to statistics. "I find that strangely reassuring" added the temp turned governor-wannabe.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Walsh goes "Down under"!
Thinly disguised as a "real person" gubernatorial candidate, Fiona Walsh was seen on the town on the arms of one of Hollywoods most eligible batchelors - "Pirates of the Carribean" star, Geoffrey Rush. The scruffy, saggy-jawed Hollywood hottie has been squiring Ms. Walsh around various elite and hard to get into places including the newest, trendy nightclub "Her Vagina". The ticklish twosome were seen "kissing and canoodling" in a well-known Japanese restaurant on the outskirts of Encino. "They seemed really happy, he seemed to be making her laugh out loud, she seemed to be laughing" said one onlooker. Famous for his "willingness" to do nude scenes in such movies as "Shine" and "Quills", Rush has been overheard to say "I'm not ashamed of me didgereedoo, its me best asset!". The rugged Australian outbacker has dated other Hollywood notables including Tori Spelling, Anna Nicole Smith and nightclub owner Busty LaRue. "What can I say, I like big breasted sheilas". When prodded for comment regarding the ritzy romance, Walsh declared "We share a love of children's television, that's all that's in it for the moment".

Monday, August 11, 2003

Possible Alliance between Gary Coleman and Fiona Walsh.
In a highly surprising move, the 'worker' bee for childrens tv and candidate for governor Walsh has said she may join Gary Coleman as his running mate. "It makes perfect sense. He's a minority and so am I. The blacks and the Irish historically make a great pairing - look at Eddie Murphy" said Walsh. She skirted the question of whether there was "more" to the possible alliance than meets the eye. "Are ya joking me?" the feisty Walsh said. "This is nothing more than business, although I am awfully fond of black people".

Sunday, August 10, 2003

"If he can do it, so can I"
So says Fiona "Fightin' Irish" Walsh.
Walsh, not content with a wildly exciting life as an paper pushing pleb in the halls of a “well-known”childrens tv company, has now announced her intention to run for governor. When pressed on the question of what state she would run her gubernatorial race, she replied "Anywhere that'll have me!". Spurred on by pint-sized pick up and all out bad boy Gary Coleman deciding to throw his miniature glove in the ring and Arnold Scharwzenegger "The Ass from Austria" also contending, Walsh said it was high time for her to compete. "I'm not famous or small but I do have a brain and as much common sense as either or these two eejits. I did go to the College of Commerce after all". However she did state that she'll need to create a new persona, one that the public can more readily relate to. 'I'm already working out steadily - just feel that bicep- and have begun to sexually harass people on movie sets. It's so convenient that "Law & Order" is filming out side my house, it'll mean I can grab a couple of butts and throw a few learing jeers as I turn the key in my door".
She's already got a sizeable campaign contribution from a well known Irish newspaper but wouldn't state how it came about. She alluded to a veiled threat of blackmail. "My animal-loving but badly dressed friends have already said they'll give up all food for a week so that'll add a whole $10 to my coffers - it's all good" she said making the 'bling bling' sign as she quickly hurried out the door. Watch this space for more info!

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