Friday, February 20, 2004

"Secret Window" - Walsh
"Johnny Depp can look through my Secret Window anytime!" So says presidential hopeful and employee in the electrifying world of Kidsters Telly, Fiona Walsh. Walsh was commenting on a recent poll that says she has won no presidential primaries at all in any district. "I'm not concerned", says the embattled Irish woman. "'Secret Window' is coming out and I LURRRVE Johnny Depp. He can peek through my curtains any old day of the week!" chortled the spiky-haired candidate. Pressed for more direct answers on her placing in the polls, Walsh would only say, "It's anyone's race yet lads. Don't count yer chickens before they're hatched. I feel a Botox moment or a nosejob coming on and then, begod, I'll be right back in the running". Plastic surgery doctors are lining up to operate on Ms. Walsh's visage as we write. Stay tuned for more breaking plastic surgery news.

Monday, February 16, 2004

Walsh upset by "Littlest Groom"
Fox's new reality dating show has upset presidential candidate, Fiona Walsh. "I find if offensive to Irish people. We're often referred to as "Leprechauns or Little Folk" and now they have dating show called "The Littlest Groom" on TV? It's hard enough we had to endure famine and pestilence to get to this country but now we're to be made fun of as well? It's disgusting". We explained to the presidential hopeful that the show involved real people of short stature who wanted to date other people, short or tall. "So what?" said the irate Irishwoman. "That makes zero difference to me at all. The inference is still that Irish people are leprechauns and that's what I'm upset about, now feck off!". The Little People Societyof America said they claim no ties to Ms. Walsh or leprechauns in general and told her to "get a life". She's currently in search of one.

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