Saturday, December 17, 2005

Walsh offers plant for adoption.
In a controversial move, earnest person and erstwhile presidential candidate has offered up her one and only house plant for adoption. "It's so sad but I feel I can no longer give it the home it deserves. I've had it since the Spring and initially it seemed to thrive in my hot house home but as the summer progressed, I noticed it sitting morosely around the house. Next thing I knew it had ran away and when it came back it was a different plant. Angry and growing brown at the ends. The flower it had so selflessly offered up upon it's arrival chez moi was now a withered stump. This coupled with the fact that I forget to water or feed it or provide any kind of nourishment physical or emotional, leads me to believe that I'm not capable of being a green-fingered friend", she added tearfully. "What's worse is my father is known for his green fingers. His house back home is full of rescued and rehabilitated plants and flowers but I sadly lack the touch. I just don't think it's fair to keep my plant in a non-nuturing home". Walsh has set up a website and hot line for her plant - 1800 ADoptMyPlant.com
"Hopefully some kind person will offer up their home before the holidays. I'd really like to see it settled before Christmas".

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Walsh Rediscovers White Bread
Presidential candidate and newly dyed redhead has come out in favor of white bread. "I love it! I had grown up on white bread in Ireland with only the rare appearance of anything with fiber. Could explain alot of my anal retention issues!", she sniggered. "However with the advent of healthy eating, I had forsook the white in favor of bread with a higher roughage content. Everyone was trying to persuade me that brown bread was better for me and I could say in fairness they were probably right. But in the long run you can't beat the tasty nothingness of white bread. I hadn't had it in an age and lo and behold it was like manna from heaven when I had a taste yesterday. Smothered with full cream butter, none of yer "I can't believe" shit! Wow, what a taste explosion!". Walsh said she is looking forward to spreading the good news bible of white bread to her fellow crunchy granola-type friends.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Walsh at "undisclosed location"
Fiona Walsh, tipping temp and hopeful president of the United States of anywhere that will have her, is said to be holing up at an undisclosed location. "I'm here at an undisclosed location, which shall remain nameless. I need some time to get my head together. I'm tired, run down, full of toxic substances (alcohol being one of them) and I need some R&R." Walsh who claimed to not be at a rehab clinic, unlike her Irish "Lusty Leprechaun" counterpart, Colin Farrell. "There is no correlation between me and Colin both being in "undisclosed locations" at the same time. He's got his life and I've got mine and good luck to us both. I'm just resting up before the onslaught of the holiday season and my new presidential campaign. I'm running on the liberal, anti-Vatican ticket. I think that will win me some crucial votes".

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