Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Praying to turtles - not kosher!
So says the 4 inch dark-rooted presidential candidate. Fiona Walsh, claims that Madonna has "gone off the deep end". This comes on the heels of the Esther-ones proclaiming solidarity for Tom Cruise and her belief that if it makes him happy, he can worship turtles. "What a load of ould shite!" said the non-Angelina Jolie lookalike. "First off, let me tell you that Tom hates turtles and anyone who knows him would tell you that. He was snapped at by a snapping turtle as a young fella in NJ and has a morbid fear of them ever since. Secondly, hello! Turtles get freaked out if you stare at them for more than 3 seconds, never mind worship them! My aunt Josie had a pet turtle named Francie once, the baddest tempered ould fecker you could ever meet and he had a complete conniption fit if he you looked at him the wrong way for long enough. So I can't imagine any turtle would stand for worshipping. Madonna is full of Kabbalah Krap! Plus who can understand her anymore now with her toffee-nosed accent. I can only read what she says; if she talks I have to switch of the telly for fear her English snob accent will offend my delicate Irish sensibilities. Plus everyone knows the Pope is yer only man."
Madonna could not be reached for comment as she was said to be shopping for kosher noodles and could not be bothered to answer.

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