<$BlogRSDUrl$>

Saturday, August 23, 2003

This just in!
Walsh announces her interest in medical things! Not content with a smugly satisfied existence in the creamy world of childrens entertainment, Fiona Walsh has come out as "medical enthusiast". "I've always had an interest in childhood diseases but the availability of the internet has really broadened my horizons". Adding that new research news breaking daily on the web was keeping her busy. "It's a little overwhelming at times - all the new material I have to read" she flatly stated. "Just today I read that antidepressants help you grow new brain cells - wow! Now I can finally make up for all the ones I've killed while consuming alcohol". While not outright saying she was an alcoholic, she alluded to some "incidences" in her past that she doesn't remember. On a final note Walsh summed up "Did you know there is a disease called "Kabuki-Man Syndrome" - its true - check it out on the NORD database". However she added she didn't want to appear to be making fun of people with Kabuki man. "It's a terrible illness. I'm glad I've only brain stells (sic) to restore".

Friday, August 22, 2003

Hot off the press!
Walsh is "in love"! Yes, its true! In a startlingly candid announcement this evening, Fiona Walsh who is running for governor has stated that she's in love... with the word "gubernatorial". "It's partly the reason I entered the race in the first place - I just love that word. I plan to use it as often as possible whether its in the correct context or not". Walsh went on to give examples. "I say, you're looking very gubernatorial this evening! Hey, don't be so gubernatorial! I doubt I'll go out this evening. I'm feeling kinda gubernatorial!" Under the gun, Walsh related that she hoped she wouldn't be fined by the Oxford English "people" for overuse. "But if they do, I'll pay it - I just love this word so much".

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Walsh's Wacky sex "Ed"!
Sources close to gubernatorial candidate and erstwhile children's tv "employee" Fiona Walsh, are remaining tight-lipped about recent sex scandals. Walsh allegedly demanded sex from a butler known only as "Mr.Ed". Wacky Walsh has stated on a separate occasion that she has sex "on demand" from her husband, food critic and cable guy "Abe". "But as far as this butler is concerned - its rubbish. I don't even have a butler". Coming on the heels of Elizabeth Taylors lawsuit in which her butler alleges she demanded sex from him, Walsh's camp is keeping a close eye on her. "They have their beady eye on me - but I'm not slipping up - no way. This campaign is too important to me, they can all feck off". "Mr. Ed" was not available for comment. He was also the title character of a speaking horse show in the 1950's. The two are in no way related.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

No sensible shoes for me
In a bid to gain the "fashion" vote, fashionista Fiona "Flashdance" Walsh, gubernatorial candidate and moderately contented television "employee", said today that she would swear off sensible shoes. "I won't wear them" vowed Walsh. "I've seen how previously hip and trendy people can slide down the popularity poll as soon as they don sensible slip ons. I'm determined to wear only shoes that can cause my feet to cramp and my toes to curl in a painful spasm". Countering reports that she was seen wearing a pair of "Aerosoles" on vacation in her native Tipperary recently, Walsh would say "It wasn't me - it was my mammie". Watch this space for more info.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Hot off the wire!
Schwarzenegger running scared!

"I'm weally scahed". So says "The Ass from Austria" Schwarzenegger on hearing that Fiona Walsh had entered the gubernatorial fray. Walsh, an independent candidate who's platform still remains unclear - "although it will probably have something to do with potatoes" says she's not surprised. "Arnold is a strong man physically, but I'm angry about things. I've built up alot of deep seated resentments over the years of living in the United States which I think will fuel my electoral fire. Historically its in my blood - we've got centuries of oppression and repression behind us (Irish)". On seeing the Channel 5 footage of Arnold, literally running with a scared look on his face, Walsh's only comment was "He's a big boy bedad, look at the tree trunk legs of him". Pushed on the issue of her not being a current resident of California, the state in which she's running for governor, Walsh would only say "Ways and means my friend, ways and means, we shall see what we shall see. A rolling stone gathers no moss - and I'm that stone". Gary Colemans camp could not be reached for comment.

Monday, August 18, 2003

"Lusty Leprechaun" comes out in favor of Walsh!
Various news sources have reported that Colin Farrell, dubbed the "Lusty Leprechaun" by the tabloid press, is lending his leprechaun leverage to the Walsh gubernatorial campaign. Sources close to the Irish Romeo have said he is supportive of her although will not confirm to what extent. "The f**king fact of the matter is I don't know the b**ch but she's f**king Irish and that's enough for me. Plus I hear she's a mad wagon for the tear". One reporter claimed he couldn't understand the last sentence. Under duress Walsh is said to be delighted. "I'm delighted!" she bantered. "We need to band together. You can bet the Austrian community is coming out to support Arnold - the Irish can do just as well - plus we're fecking everywhere!" Unconfirmed reports later stated that Walsh and Farrell were found "stocious" in a dive bar on 11th Avenue. Both deny the claim.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Ben was with me!
Coming on the heels, so to speak of her recent denouncement of sensible shoes and her claim to have nothing to do with the electrical disturbance in North America, gubernatorial candidate and temp to the prez, Fiona Walsh, has claimed that Ben Affleck was with her on the night he supposedly visited a strip club. "Yeah, me and Ben were just hanging, drinking a few beers and eating some of those, you know, Japanese crackers in a bar on the West side. He was no where near a stripper. I can vouch for that so Jennifer has nothing to worry about". Walsh who has been linked in recent weeks to Geoffrey Rush, Antipodean star of "Pirates of the Carribean", Gary Coleman (which she hotly denies) and her own husband stated emphatically that it was all "in good fun" and that Jennifer Lopez - his fiancee has "no reason to be afraid". "If I were Jennifer, I'd calm the hell down is what I'd do. With a man like Ben you can't be on his back 24/7. He needs some downtime with his buddies. Ben and I go way back - back to Boston so I'd say "Jennifer, back off - if you know whats good for you". Lopez camp would only sneer and snigger when they heard the story but JLO is supposedly learning how to cook Bens favorite dish of burnt chicken breasts with baked beans from a can in an effort to make sure he "doesn't stray".

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?